A Ready Listener
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“Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.”
—James 1:19
Recently I took advantage of the opportunity to “listen” to a young sister in Christ share her feelings and frustrations. She began by telling me that she asked the Lord who should she talk to about this season in her life. As I listened attentively, I understood why she could confide in me— I had been there, done that. I could empathize with her. I understood her inner struggle. I remember the tugging and nudging of the Holy Spirit as I wrestled during sleepless nights; not to mention the dreams when I did go to sleep. Why and why not consumed me as I analyzed the logic and tried to figure out my tomorrows. For years, I struggled with the higher calling of God because I could not get past my feelings of inadequacy. Listening to this young lady was like reliving my early “growing pains.”
However, as I reflect there was one thing I lacked—a good listener who shared these common experiences and higher spiritual interests. This is by no means an indictment against anyone. Most likely, I would have been reluctant to talk to anyone because of my upbringing. “Do not tell what goes on in your home or discuss your personal business with others” was programmed in my mind. Nevertheless, I am grateful for the Grace to overcome those challenging experiences as a new convert. More important, I thank God for revealing to me importance of becoming a good listener by learning to listen to Him. Truth is, I am still learning to listen to Him!
I believe that having more Christians willing to take the time to listen objectively to the concerns of others would be revolutionizing for this generation where many just want to be heard. Being available to lend a “listening ear” cost nothing but time; however, living in a fast-paced society just listening to someone “vent” is sometimes seen as wasting time.
Therefore, Christians must be intentional in developing good listening skills and in mastering those skills through practice in order to be effective. Effective communication, which includes “good listening skills”, is still on the training agendas of major corporations and Fortune 500 companies. Their profits and successes depend on the effectiveness of the employees’ communication skills. In other words, effective communicators and good listeners can tear down or build up. Consequently, the flip side…Christians can make an eternal impact in the life of others just by their ability to listen attentively and intentionally.
Intentional listening requires listening with the heart—a heart saturated with the unconditional love and compassion of the Father. It requires having an open mind, a genuine concern for other person’s feelings, and respect for their personal value system. In order for Christians to be effective listeners, the power of the Holy Spirit is essential in addition to naturally learned techniques to master the skill of effective listening. If not, we can become distracted, make prejudgments and be offended by what we hear.
Here are only five (5) steps to effective listening in the natural:
1. If face to face, maintain eye contact
2. Do not interrupt trying to give advice or personal opinion.
3. Try to empathize with the speaker
4. Pay close attention to what is not said—facial expressions, body language, etc.
5.
Assure the speaker you are
listening by brief and regular feedback at opportune times
Now here are seven (7) steps to intentional listening in the Spirit (in combination with listening in the natural):
1. Pray without ceasing and study the Word of God and apply it in daily living (apply James 1:19)
2. Ask for the Holy Spirit’s guidance, direction and discernment. (This will enable you to hear through the Spirit what is not always verbalized)
3. Listen attentively with your spirit rather than your mind/intellect trying to rationalize based on your values
4. Be compassionate. Try to feel what the speaker is feeling as Christ’s representative.
5. If a confidential concern, establish a commitment to maintain confidentiality. Ask if the matter has been shared with someone. Knowledge of their sharing with others releases you from sole liability in the breach of confidence.
6. Trust the leading of the Holy Spirit’s wisdom after you’ve listened if you should offer solutions or advice.
7. Always share words of encouragement that will point the speaker to hope in Jesus Christ whether they are Christian or not.
I am always amazed at how the Lord uses the practicalities of everyday living to teach us kingdom principles and give us understanding in spiritual matters. As I reflected later on my listening opportunity, I realized this was an opportunity to practice what had been taught. It was an opportunity to apply the word…to see if I was an effective listener in a recent bible study at my local church. The pastor emphasized the need for believers to be good listeners. He also said that when we hear and receive the word of God, experiences would come for us to apply that word. We know that we are maturing spiritually if we apply the word we have received.
Now, it is even clearer why Jesus said, “He that hath an ear to hear, let him hear what the Spirit is saying…”
What He was actually saying was if you are able to hear (listen) with your heart (spirit), then a response to word of God is required.
The question to ponder: If we cannot be effective listeners in the natural, can we really be effective listeners in the Spirit, which requires a response through obedience? Consequently, to perfect us as skilled listeners in the Spirit, we get opportunities to practice effective listening in the natural. The next time an opportunity comes your way, “Understand [this], my beloved… Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.”
Listen with an open heart to hear what the Spirit is saying… a life may depend on it.
ab
© Queen E. F. Phillips. All rights reserved. NOT-FOR-PROFIT use only requires prior written permission from the author.
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